|Posted on 12 February, 2017 at 21:55|
When people ask me what I think is one of the biggest components of sobriety, my response is something which doesn't always necessarily sit well with most people (I think because it conjures up a certain image in people about what it looks like). A hugely critical component is to put yourself and your sobriety first. I can already hear the objections from people, haha. But seriously, for you to remain abstinent, this will need to exercised to some degree.
I have often stated many a time that it is the best thing I've ever done. That has been met with the question 'What about your marriage, your child, your achievements etc' and I always reply back with 'Without sobriety I wouldn't have those things or anything else great that I have in my life'. If people don't understand it's ok. There will be things they value that I can't fully understand either. Such is the dance of individual value system hierarchy’s, human acceptance and understanding.
I understand why this seems to be contrary to what we are taught growing up. Yet if you truly value this journey though then you have to be selfish about it. Does this mean being an arrogant bastard to everybody and being completely self-absorbed about it? Shutting everyone out of your life and leaving your relationships to wither away? Being completely egocentric and placing you above your partner or children at all costs? Not at all! But you will need to use your discernment to juggle the delicate balancing act of life. You have to bend and move with the sometimes howling wind of this journey, especially in the early stages because it is the most critical time, while tending to the facets of life which you can't just let go of. It's all about building new resources. You want to set yourself up for success and if you have a good support network then they will want to help you with that.
It's taken me a long time to learn the art of balance.....and unfortunately on the path of sobriety there will be times where you may need to shed some relationships if they are toxic or detrimental to your sobriety. We all have examples of those right? You decide to make a change in your life and some people discourage you or try and interfere with it? If that happens then so be it. As I said, if you have a good support network then they will be happy for you to make the change and try and support you in that.
Until next time, value yourself and your journey along this path!
Christian L Doherty